Here are my Favorite Awesome Quotes from The Fran Lebowitz Reader. One of these is probably going on my gravestone.
“I love sleep because it is both pleasant and safe to use. Pleasant because one is in the best possible company and safe because sleep is the consummate protection against the unseemliness that is the invariable consequence of being awake. What you don’t know won’t hurt you. Sleep is death without the responsibility.”
“It is pointless to assume that the earth alone is afflicted with the phenomenon of life.”
“A salad is not a meal. It is a style.”
“The servant problem being what it is, one would think it apparent that a society that provides a Helper for tuna but compels a writer to pack her own suitcases desperately needs to reorder its priorities.”
“Chocolate is an excellent flavor for ice cream but both unreasonable and disconcerting in chewing gum.”
“Inhabitants of underdeveloped nations and victims of natural disasters are the only people who have ever been happy to see soybeans.”
“Perhaps the least cheering statement ever made on the subject of art is that life imitates it.”
“Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publication.”
“If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.”
“Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not possibly have met.”
“If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater … suggest that he wear a tail.”
“A great many people in Los Angeles are on special diets that restrict their intake of synthetic foods. The reason for this appears to be a widely held belief that organically grown fruits and vegetables make the cocaine work faster.”
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